Nag nag nag.

Nag, nag, nag.

It seems to me that I'm just doing that all day long. Nagging at Shaelyn, at Eric, at myself. Nag, nag, nag.

I wanted to come blog about something happy earlier, but ended up on Facebook, therefore felt guilty, therefore convinced myself that I had spent enough time on nonsense, therefore didn't blog.

Lo and behold, here I am again, because I... I just feel like a mess, and writing here sorts things out.

I had one day of classes so far. It killed me. I was drained, worse than ever before. It was worse than my first day at McGill, even. Level 4 macroeconomics kills, really.

I had aimed to finish those readings today, but as the day draws to a close, I have hardly started.

Disappointments.

Many obligations. Things to sort out. Small things, bigger things. Important, unimportant.

I find myself moving all the time, doing things. Picking up after people. Cleaning up the mess, as I mentioned in an earlier post.

But there is always more to be done. Messy, messy, messy. Soooo many things to do. So many obligations to fulfil. I'm freaking tired! Give me a break!

So I gave myself a break today. I slept close to 12 hours. Last night, and the nap. I think it was something like 9 + 2. Gee. As though I can afford it at all?? What's wrong with me.

Now I'm in a dilemma. Stay up? Go to bed? Well, I don't even know if I'm going to be productive if I stay up. But I know that if I go to bed now, I'll feel really really really terribly about myself.

The only good thing that happened today was receiving Sofia's mail. It made me want to cry. I've received quite a number of mail lately. One from Sergii, on behalf of the Summer Camp Team. One from Buddy. And now, another from Sofika. I feel so fortunate, so extremely fortunate. It makes me feel so small, to think of the journey that the mail took to come to me. It feels so incredible.

I miss the carefree days of 2011. I think it's my best year so far. With my current situation in life, I highly doubt those carefree days will ever come back again. I miss them already. So much, so much.

From now on, I only have duty and responsibilities. I can do this, I must do this.

Now back to work.